This piece of writing was the piece I had to write to join the Noxcrew.
Kris: … and then the barman said, “Why the long face!” Hahahah. Get it? He’s a horse, so he has a long fa-
Lars: I got the joke… it just wasn’t funny.
Kris: Well I’m SORRY for trying to make this job more amusing.
Lars: Kris, no offence, but I’d rather you just didn’t talk at all.
(The scene is beautiful, large mountains overlook the medieval town of Lampton. The two guards stand outside the gate to the town, holding a sword and shield in their hands.)
Kris: Hey Lars, can you see that thi-
Lars: Shut your mouth Kris. I thought I told you to be quiet?
Kris: Lars! Look! Is that a m-
Lars: Is that a what?
Kris: Stop interrupting m-
Lars: What did you just say? Sorry, the hearing’s acting up a bit.
Kris: (shouting) IS THAT A MAN OVER THERE?
(Kris points at a figure on the horizon)
Lars: Is that a lamb over there? No, I think your eyes are playing tricks on you.
Kris: A funny fact about lambs. Did you know that the average lamb has three h- What am I saying…? Lars, someone’s coming up the path to the town.
Lars: Oh! I see them now. Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?
Kris: I- Don’t worry Lars.
(The man arrives, tired and panting heavily. He tries to start muttering something but the guards’ just look at him suspiciously. )
Man: (Panting heavily) I… I need… I need to… enter the town.
Lars: You need to enter the town? Well we can’t let you do that unless you provide suitable identification.
Man: Identification? Who carries identification with them?
Kris: Well… why are you panting so heavily?
(The man is almost collapsed on the floor; Kris glances at Lars and then walks towards the wall of the castle)
Man: I… have come back from… err… travels.
(Kris walks back over to the other two, with a sheet of tattered paper in his hands)
Kris: You. You’re Marc L’Orretté. You murdered seven people a few weeks ago.
(Kris holds up a piece of paper, it has an artist’s impression-drawing, which looks exactly like the man standing before the two guards. It reads, “Have you seen this man? Marc L’Orretté, 32, English. BOUNTY: £400”)
Man: That’s… well… not me! Yes, that’s not me.
Kris: It looks exactly like you… and what’s in that sack over your shoulder?
Man: Well, it’s my… identical twin brother.
(The man holds up the sack.)
Man: This? Oh it’s just potatoes.
Lars: Wait a minute… why would you need to run back ‘ere with a sack of potatoes.
Lars and Kris: Gazelles?
Man: Yes, BIG, ANGRY Gazelles.
Lars: I’ve never, in all my life, seen a Gazelle in this part of the country. Maybe in Yorkshire… but not here.
Kris: Yorkshire? Why would there be Gazelles in Yorkshire? That’s propostero- WE really need to stop getting distracted.
Lars: Too right. So, you went travelling, to get potatoes, whilst there was a high bounty on your identical twin brother, until you got attacked by a wild Gazelle and had to run here?
Kris: Well if that’s true… we better go let you in the town. We can’t be doing with Gazelles ending up here!
Man: Thank you… I… appreciate it.
(Just then, a man appears on the top of the town wall. He is dressed in armour and holds a sword and shield, just like the guards. )
Kris: Mikel! You have news?
(The man starts to creep into the towns open gate.)
Mikel: Yes I do! There have been more murders and thievery! This time, it was in a nearby town. The local folk reckon that it was that L’Orretté bloke.
(Kris notices the man just about to enter the town)
Kris: Your brother has been up to no good again!
Lars: Hey Kris…
Kris: Not right now Lars, we have to make sure that our friend gets into the town alright.
Lars: Mikel said that the crimes included thievery.
Lars: (Whispering) What if Marc L’Orretté doesn’t HAVE a twin brother.
(Kris stares at Lars expectantly)
Lars: And he is Marc L’Orretté!
(The man turns around and instead of going into the town, runs away into the horizon.)
Kris: See, this is what happens when I am left to do ridiculous jobs like this.
(Kris and Lars close the gate and resume their normal posts.)
Hope You Enjoyed,
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